Fredrik's Birthday (Special Day)

I still remember the most important day of Fredrik the moment I met him and fall in love with him. His birthday, the moment when his mom having a blessing, a little boy such an angel. Born day is very special, (wish I have chances to meet his mom). I remember way back March my birth month how I’m thankful for him being so sweet and spending time with me and it really matters to me, It can never ever compare with any material things, inside of me I already bless and gifted for having a sweet man which is love of my life who make an effort to sing for me a sweet Happy Birthday Song. I don’t need any gift his time and attention is truly enough to make me feel happy and makes my special birthday complete. I still remember how I repay him back with my sweetest smile starring at him, in which I totally want to hug and kiss him. Make him feel how much I do really love him. I really miss him so much.

As much as I want to see and talk to him to his special day, sadly there is no luck. The only thing I can do is make him a birthday sweet card, video greetings and celebrate his birthday eating simple dinner with his cake I bought to dedicate to him and a simple gift.

I wish I can let him feel the way I had when I celebrate my birthday, but unfortunately the connection with us is not deep as before.

I love too, I really really love to greet him personally in actual way through skype, hear his voice see him on his special day and what else? It’s my turn to sing him a happy birthday. I was hoping I have chances to have connection with him, but I’m so failed. (Teary eyes…)

I still love him despite of pain I have inside, even if I was so devastated got failed leaving by him before, I’m hoping the second chance can be sweeter and loving him better. (But why is it still not enough). I want him to feel special and express he is special to me despite of distance we have because I need to show my support, feelings and love I have for him. I want him to feel that his day is special living in this world that there’s still good things and universe can offer many things in good way in good side. (Crying…) I miss you so much and I just wanna say I love to hear more of your stories and im willing to hear all you want to share. I love to be with you and be not only on your special day but everyday to love you. Because I love you!

I may not be a rich woman to save you in your struggle about life, give you cars, or financially can help you I’m sorry because I’m only ordinary but loving you genuinely and I never still think that I need to replace you even you don’t need me in your life.

I’m not yet moving on and want to forget you because I insanely choose to stay in love with you even if I’m not worth to spend time for you. Sorry for letting you feel boring and cannot give the desire you want because of the distance we have because im no nothing but only the heart I have for you that can never ever be stolen by anyone.

I often think of you, dreaming of you and wishing the best for you. Praying for your good and for your health, I never forget you to include in my prayers. I still include you in the center of my priorities even if you make me feel that you’re just imaginary.

I still believe that even you try to replace me after all you have my loyal heart loving you. But inside it kills me for losing you.

But on the good side I should never be so selfish to keep you if you don’t want me at all and love me. Because I know you still don’t want a burden like me. (Crying…)

I miss you so so so much and I love you very much. May this 44th special day of your Birthday you will have more blessings in life to come and wishing for viggo a good health, as your wish being a loving father to him.

I love you that’s all I can say at leave to you but this word really mean so much for me, I wishing that I can able to talk to you on skype but I failed. Sorry!

Happy 44th Birhday Fredrik Mahal na mahal kita.