Strength of Love

Trying my best to find resources where I can divert my sadness and turn into something fruitful but to help and eye opening activities. I was so glad being part of Philippine Foundation conducting the Art Boats Project activities last July 22 for children’s to give gifts and entertain them located at Philippines Children’s Hospital Manila and most of them are battling for cancer. It’s another heartbreaks hearing their struggles and stories but then I should be strong facing them and spend time to play and assist them. After that, I have chances to volunteer as well being part of LAC Community for their feeding program for children’s who live in country side remote area in Pila, Laguna. It was amazing experiences to share time and make them laugh even a short time.

And me either I forgot for a while how hard I struggle about my inner damage regards my broken heart. But I’m still thinking about Fredrik the moment I’m traveling to my destination while im on the bus and train station. I’m wondering what he was doing and I always praying him that he is doing fine and good. I know he is so busy on his own life and forgot me at all. I wonder if he will appreciate what I’m doing at the moment sharing my time and make some effort to some kids need attention. And I wish that he’s with me, us, together being part of this sensible charity works. I want him too to experience and be with me in this kind of amazing journey of kindness, love and compassion.

But then I know that everything I still thinking is just a day dream. He never ever talks to me at all or even asks if I’m ok or want to have connection with me.

It’s hard and hurting for me inside that the person you loved the most and dedicated your heart is just gone easily.

I’m teary eyes every time I’m thinking about him, I wish I’ am brave enough to tell him I miss him so much and still love him. But I don’t want him to disturb and distract for where he is right now.

All I can do is always pray for him, always and I did often keeping him on my prayer.

“My heart is so broken the time he decided to leave me, he walks away and just easily thinks that’s what he need for his self. And I don’t have any choice but to accept that even I have small voice shouting in my heart that I don’t want it and let him stay.”

But the heaven and earth knew that I love him so much with all my heart and life the moment I knew him. It’s hard to explain by words but truly to the deepest part of my heart I love him. And even I cry a thousand times he will never be back again, where my door is always open for him to be as our home and that’s my infinite love I dedicated just only for him.

I love you even I never heard anything for you; I wish you are safe and always take care. I miss you so much. Love Rio