30th is such a reminders...

I really do miss Fredrik my dream guy the person I love and still in my heart. 30th is such a reminders of counting good things and memories we shared each other. I remember not to forgot sending him my love letter every monthsary and I often want to talk with him every 30th of the month.

I miss those days where I want him to feel special by thanking him to be part of my life. And I wish I can let him feel through my kiss, hug, and touch and to make love with him with all my heart and soul.

He is the only one who has the rights to have all I have. I never feel so tired to tell him day by day that I love him so much and I need and want him into my life.

Wish I had the chances to let him feel how special he is to me.

Dreaming to feel his kisses, feel his arms around me and kiss him back with passion and love. Feel his body with me and smiling face to face so near. I really miss him and I really mean it that he is so special in my heart.

But then I missed the April 30th, the May 30th and the June 30th since we had no longer have relationship at all.

I wish I can still make funny video message, send him videos, send him my crazy funny photos and still sending him my love letters.

Long distance relationship is a very tough, and I know he don’t want to be with me at all. If I have chances to hold his hand I will keep holding him so tight for him to feel that I don’t want to lose him even we facing a big distance miles apart of us.

That’s why I give and make my best for us to forget that even we are miles away we can find way, alternative method on how to communicate.

I really wish and hope that we did it but he already unhold and give up.

There are so much to remind about good things and sweet moments, every time I see our photos together skyping and watching video message way back a months ago. It really makes me smile staring at your photos, crazy for talking a bit of you in that way. Praying you every day before I sleep and wake up because Fredrik really mean so much for me and I have my biggest love dedicated for him even he is already break things up.

I will never heard at all our exchanging of sweet greets for our monthsary, take care where you at and remember that I love you so much and still I love you. Wishing to hear his voice I really do miss Fredrik with all my heart but living in pain of not having him at all. I miss everything and especially him. I miss old days and I miss his love that is actually an imaginary dream from the moment he left me. I wish I can hear his voice and see him again on skype but it’s impossible I know. I’m crying because I still stuck and can’t move on. Because I’m not easily forget things that way. I know I’m always being a dreamer but all I wish is I can hear and talk with him but it’s too impossible. I know that he don’t love me at all and things about us is just ended. I was just longing for my smile and giggle the way he makes feel so special and I feel so glad everytime I’am talking with him and seeing him. But not all the things we want and asking can be granted. It’s sad that even I pray so much regards this it cannot be or it will not happen. And I know he forgotten me so easy by cutting our communication and everything is so quick to remove on his own. But the memories we had last and I still cherish that. (Crying…) I’m not asking so much for him to be back coz I know he wouldn’t want even too and I need to accept that but I can’t what my heart say and I do felt that way. But even if I know you don’t want to see me or even to talk to me at all I always pray with you that you will be ok and your life will change the way you want it. I just maybe missing so much those old days we had and I treasure all of it. I’m still keep writing you a letters even I know you don’t want to receive it so I’ll just put it on the box where I can keep it. I miss you and I do really love you even you break my heart… (Shed of tears)