The First Day of June wasn't hear anything...

Now it’s June, the first Day I wasn’t heard anything from Fredrik but hoping his fine and good. His safety is the best thing for me and knowing he’s focusing about his LIFE.

I miss the jokes, the funny smile, the giggles, the silly conversation, sometimes when he is the one who is talkative. The long hours share a lovely story. The way he staring at me, the way I feel inside when I see him and listening to his voice. The way I truly melting seeing him and appreciate his look as the most one and only handsome guy in my eyes. The ways I feel that love him.

But who am I? Ask his time? Take a time of him to talk for?

I don’t have rights I know; I’m no longer part of his life as an important person. In which I forgot I’m a burden, I’m a disturbance and I’m no nothing.

He’s my happiness the moment I meet him and he is also my pain the moment he leave me and walk away.

Now tell me where to go? Now tell me what should I do to correct all the wrong I made?

But the answer is unknown. Because despite of all this heavy and heartache I have I’m still martyr and having this small hope that still shining that I don’t want him to lose but still hold on.

Perhaps I know I was hurting the way he tries to learn to live without me at all and why is that so unclear in my mind that I should do the same way. He can either practice his self not talking with me for so long why it wasn’t obviously that he doesn’t need me at all.

I think about him, I miss him and I want to still to be in the same as before. But it hurt me much when I felt he forgot everything that so easy and already gets there out of love for me. (Crying…)

It’s very tough being in the situation that you love someone but he doesn’t show attention and time at all to you. That’s why I don’t send him message because all I can do is to wait when the time he need mine. But missing me because he might be bored is also hurting or he has time because he just wanna use his free time to use for. Sadly to hear that it break my heart but again who really am I on his life to demand? And I don’t have right to complain but to be thankful if he can able to give time for me. “It’s like I’m a beggar on the street asking and waiting even a cents” and it’s hard to be in that scenario. My heart feels like thirsty of inspiration from him and the seed of love I have need the water of hope to live again. I’m seriously fall for him and I love him very much.

But wherever he is I don’t want him to feel suffering, crying and sad his happiness will be my happiness.

Maybe I was just living in memories while Fredrik is living in reality.

(Shed of tears…)