Suppose to be our 5th Monthsary this 30th

I cannot control myself feel that every 30th of the month is special day. It’s not about counting but reminding and pays attention with those good memories.

“Rio you are still dreaming with your fantasy” let it be, let me just sleep for a while so even this way I can still able to find the imaginary happiness where my heart is craving for.

I wish I can send him cards just to remind and tell him “Hey look at us were keep going and we will go through until the Universe decided for us to destined to meet for real”.

Let me live this way even many people think I’m wasting my time escaping the reality. Having him in my life makes me realize his worth every day Although reality is we already apart and he choose to break things up “Look I’m still here standing and believing what my heart is and having this strong faith that the only thing I can hold on is letting my heart beat for you Fredrik even if things turn to imaginary” (Sadly to say…)

This should be a day a special day for us, I remember 30th of the month makes my smile wider and think crazy things that I can able to do for him. Like cards and letters. Long distance is a tough decision, you need strong bond of trust and make both sides feel special. And one of my languages of love is sending him anything tangible made by me such letters and cards.

I guess he looks cute holding and reading my letter and smiling. I wish, although the moment he have my old letters i dont know if he already keep it or throw in trash.

I still make letters for him and yeah I can do 365 letters for him. To tell him day by day of my life everything I feel and want to say to him, I always have the time and my hand doesn’t being tired written all what my heart dictates to write for.

I want to give him a best piece canvass of my photography as a simple present but I don’t know if he wants that thing. “My imaginary Monthsary Present” I wish I can but were not in relationship, he’s not my boyfriend at all and I’m not his girlfriend.

“There is no us”

Sorry I’m hard headed and my heart always wins over my mind.

I guess if one day I finally knew he found one the right queen of his heart, I would be happy but of course I will be hurt on the other part.

But his happiness is my happiness maybe that’s the only way for me to stay away and find a reason to stop dreaming about Fredrik.

I know I’m not the only one in this world who is best, who are pretty and amazing. No need to remind that because I know myself and where my feet stand for as an ordinary human. I’m don’t need to be the most beautiful woman coz I’ am not I know how simple I ‘am and I considered myself that way. I don’t need to amaze anyone because I don’t need to be in the record to stun many people.

I know I’m ordinary and limitless but all I know when my heart started to love someone it’s the only extraordinary and unlimited love.

And I did love the last man in my heart and still I love him so much.

And I wish things change and turn to good way I want or I don’t know he if he want still me too to be with him. It’s hard to guess because it feels like I didn’t know him at all because he already too far away from me. Very very far away.

I don’t want to cry because mostly I often cry every time I wrote or making blogs for how I felt but tears comes naturally.

I wish that this is real I can say and smile for him how I really love things going for us and turning for our 5th Monthsary. I miss the way he tell me how much he love me too, how he greet and complete my day and night of saying goodmorning and goodnight. I wish I can always give the sweetest kiss for him. I totally care and value his feelings and us.

“Happy 5th Monthsary Fredrik I pray that things go well and you will be fined soon and things getting better till you find the LOVE you need to yourself. I love you so much”.