The Fairytale

I live in wonderful fairytale, adoring amazing stories of successful lovers and love stories of amazing characters. I guess I was too dreamy living in fantasy of dreaming myself that someday I can be a princess and met my prince. Isn’t it funny? right Yeah you can laugh about me whatever it is, I know it’s not good to live in fantasy and not seen the realistic part.

Sounds I was escaping much about the reality. But tell me is this fairytale are very common? Isn’t happen mostly? The graceful, lovely and kind princess is not easy to find. The gentle, brave and loving heart Prince doesn’t exist at all. Look around how many of them find the true love? How many of them are brave enough to fight for? And how many of them tell that it last forever?

Why it is failure happen when the perfect person comes but suddenly wrong time and situation? Why sometimes some of them are not brave enough to stand for love? It’s hard sometimes to accept what the reason is. I know coz this is exactly where I’ am.

But isn’t it bad to find sometimes the happiness in life?

My simple wish to be with is not to find the perfect or the most handsome guy in my life. I’m not asking for that the only thing I want is the heart and things will follow. Follow by building up our dreams together and share those things we want to be.

I already been through with hundreds of different guy across the world to chat and know them. And over and over and over again, what happen? Mostly are rude, looking only for fun, sex and just curiosity. And this is what the real world is. The value of LOVE is faded, not genuine at all; the appreciation of personality is no sense at all because they always like the idea of body and lust.

Now where is the long term happiness? Where we can find that kind of people who are only want to be is the truth. The truth that say Love is all that matter. It’s rare to find the true one but believe there are exist. It’s like a hidden treasure. But every pirates need to find this rareness to see and find the hidden treasure as what we often known in every Nobel or movie. It’s not too far to the real world kind people and a nice person is visible too, it’s just happen that they weren’t able to find the same compassionate soul.

We find love is the best ever feeling we can able to feel in life, being in love everyday and inspired by someone special is nothing to compare for. True because once you love genuinely with all your heart it’s the best thing and precious happen in your life history.

But it is also the cause of pain and failure once your heart broken into the pieces. Once your love shattered and feel you empty. Love is both ways of two people who have the same feelings. And no one in this world wants to be in this situation of devastation. Feel the loneliness, longing, seeking for many answers. Questioning their selves if they have the right to love or able to find the love which is the happiness that maybe they are waiting for so long.

Include me on this, yes I do, I’m one of these people. I’m longing and believing that I have the rights to be happy in a way that I belong in the same soul and heart like mine. But it was so hard, it takes me so long and it takes me again and again to feel the pain and so on turn into failure.

It’s tiring to be honest, the feeling of losing the hope and believing that I ‘am not lucky or fortunate. Or easily to say I don’t have the rights to be in love and loved. Yeah it’s sad and hard to think and believe that way.

Because I don’t too, my heart is fighting that I love to be in love and I need too. How? Why? Is it deserved too? Every time I fall I always turn into failure, it turns to pain and mostly choose to leave me in many reason. It’s either they played at me, not that serious as I’ am and the hard thing is they don’t have the strength to fight for me.

And a dreamy dump ambitious boring Princess like me is not deserved too. I’m always a burden and always not enough whatever I do my very best of the most I can. (Crying…)

Why me? I learn and keep myself that I don’t want to hurt and play people, because I know the feelings and I been play and be in the situation being a victim of bad guys. Playing my emotions and seeing it’s no nothing but games for them.

The feeling when you love someone who is the only one that you want to be with the rest of your life and dedicate your heart only for him but seeing you’re just a burden and can cause another pain on his life. I’m tired of this, I’m tired giving all the energy of love what I have and proving time to time that there is no right one for me.

What are those things I did wrong loving them even if I know I sacrifice myself in the end and taking the risk that soon I will cry and turn into loneliness.

I’m also a human being, I have the heart that function and beat to love, appreciate and understand but why it always take me there. Why always chances took all good things to stay only as memories but never last. (Tears keep flowing…)

Where can I get the strength at all where all I can have the source is to someone I trusted and believe on his love and love him back as much as I can.

I’m not the one here who is playing the games but take things all seriously because I don’t waste my time for gamer type of people.

I refuse to accept or never think to take all the advantages of those guys who try to get me in their own way to use their power, money or fame. Because I know you will never be happy once there is no heart involved. And that’s me. But every time I fall the result is failure in which I value and careful for the relationship that I try to build in between him and me.

I’m hurting this way, it’s so painful and makes me cry over and over again. And the thing I always do is to cry over and over again.

I’m not a saint or perfect one I knew that. I have flaws, I have imperfection I' am also ordinary human. But I stick to the word of KINDNESS and love the word of being a GRACEFUL human. I choose to be different and to be rare. I’m not ashamed that I’m emotional, sensitive, and sympathetic type of person. Is there anything wrong being like this? I avoid being in the world of LIE and playing people. I choose to be honest and brave to reject people that I don’t want to. But offer myself as a good friend and that’s what I can do the most.

I’m not doing it coz some are believe kind people paying back a reward from heaven. I’m not asking for reward, but being myself as who I’ am. If may not that visible for someone being kind but the heart that full of love is the precious. And I love to be that one, I’ am that kind of person. The question is why no one’s stay so long for the dedicated heart I have.

The fairytale for me is only fiction and never ever turn into reality at all. There is no Princess I dream to be, the Prince which is my shining armor and love me. There is no castle of love that serves as our home and hearts that endlessly loving.

Because the truth I fall in love but it was written on the stars that all I can do is to love but no one in this world to stay and want to hold my hand and keep this heart and be with me to my boring fairytale journey.

(Crying…)