Missing...

I miss him so much. I miss Fredrik every day but the chances of the connection between us are so small. I know it’s not the same as before, I miss the old days and memories we had, I’m always living in WISHING. I wish that we are still in the same situation that everything is fine and both sides are fall in love. I wish that we are still together. I’m still sleeping in the idea of the wishing world.

I miss the way he talk, his voice, his eyes, his face and the connection between us. I know myself that I really fall in love to him. He is the only handsome in my eyes, strong attraction on him with heart and I admit that. The moment that I really want to hold him, cuddle and kiss him with my heart will be the most wish I want to be granted the moment I started to give my heart to him. I love him, I want to be with him and I want to keep going but the truth again and again. There is no us, the relationship break up between us. My heart really broke and I’m still not ok emotionally.

And I cannot have him I know. That’s the reality and I need to wake up myself but I can’t accept the fact that there are no more us. There’s no relationship at all (Crying…)

And I need to understand that. It’s hard too because I know how hard for him what he is facing through but even me as well is having a hardship too. Because I’m also affected for what happen. Why he need to leave me too? Despite of all, and the truth is I’m no use and no nothing. And the love I have is not enough.

I miss those days; I miss the moment that we are not like this as what happen right now. I’m tired so tired of failure and I don’t want to lose him. I also suffering too, I’m also crying too and I do feel the hurt and the pain too.

And I truly LOVE him so much and I know that I’m not enough and too bad to be a girlfriend. (My heart is hurting inside thinking this way)

I really don’t want to lose him; I really don’t want him to be far from me this way.

No matter where you are I know it’s not helpful for you to have me in your life. I still wish and Pray for your safety and good place where you can still smile and being happy again. Even if I’ m not one of those reason you can smile for.

Even if I’m not included at all or a reason for him to be happy I know you have your own life and happiness. And you need to keep going to stand for your own, to survive and overcome everything. Even if you forgot me let me just tell you over and over and over again in the deepest part of my heart I still love, need and want you.

It’s really hard to forget all we had and the moment I have him in my life. I want to stay but I don’t know how and if he wants too. I really love him so much. I miss you Fredrik. My heart is longing for your love. (Crying…)