The Truth is I STILL in LOVE with HIM...

The truth is I really do miss him, everything about him, what we had and all the sweet memories he left to me.

From a simple things to special time we spent together and the laughter, the crazy smile and conversation we talked about. As I said before there are so much to reminisce and it cannot counts and measure for me.

Despite of the cause of letting me go, unhold my hand, breaking me up because of things happen unexpectedly. Here I’ am my heart still loving him and still find he’s the only home that can comfort and heal all the pain and hurt I feel.

Love can only heal a broken Love. I know I’m so vulnerable about it, I was so so afraid to fall again but we cannot say anything that might happens.

I cry over a month dealing all this pain inside of me and the heart that love genuinely will hurt more when they got failed to LOVE. And I do prove that and it’s not easy to be a broken in situation. I still care for him and i can't easily forget him.

There’s no letter to wait at all for him because it’s clearly that he choose to break me up because he wasn’t able to be a responsible boyfriend for me after what happen to him. He needs time to rebuild everything about his life and focus more about it.

Stand alone and learn to love and learn to deal alone by his self. He scared that he can’t able to give the time and the love that I gave him in the same way.

The truth is I’m not asking him to be dedicated or let me feel that he will do the same way I did, knowing he loves me is enough and I will understand giving him the time he need even if it’s a long time. I’m patiently can do that without hesitation because I know how to wait.

I know his worth, I know everything is challenge and everything will be set well in right time. But why he needs to break me up?

That’s the most hurting part, I do understand the reason and feel he need too because he is hopeless, lack of chances to do many things for me and he want to be capable to make me feel the love he wants to give too.

I mean it I can’t help him financially and personally whatever this wall block, all his want to in his life. And things get harder than the simple thing.

I feel that he wants me to feel special but he always let me feel every time we have time together. He wants to give me more and express his love for me in many ways without limit. I know and I feel that. But love test by worst, love test by cheering them both side in hardship. Love can sacrifice and love patiently can take all the hurt and pain.

And despite of struggle I guess no need to give up but to think the positivity and other way to deal with it. To find solution both sides but not to think that the best way is to break up and excuse and you don’t want him/her to get hurt because you cannot do anything at all.

I don’t believe in that instead it’s a good test and challenge how both of you are strong and both of you can fight all of the hardship and both of you can break the big wall.

I cry many times, I try and try to find things and find answer to myself. Why is it? Why is it like this? I admit I got hurt it’s like more than the laughers and smile I did. Everything turn to sadness and massively painful. Everything crash down and the love I have got empty.

I try to let myself busy and find people who can understand me. I got back to the chat world and chatting many guys. I’ve been talking to new people and some are trying to go back communicating with me. But I realize there is nothing to compare and I didn’t find the chemistry.

Talking to a wealthy guy, a super model or handsome one but for me it doesn’t work. Because the truth is I still love FRED with all my heart and no one can replace my love for him.

I find some few friends and I treat them as friend only. And friend is just a friend.

I don’t know but this is me LOVE is not easy just to change or just to replace someone. The opportunity is there to grab and take the advantages for some guys who try to get me.

But I’ am not like that, they deserve to be happy too and not to play them and I didn’t seen I will be happy no matter what they have.

He’s everything to me. And that is Fred the only man in my heart. I still love him despite of what happen about us.