Sunrise of Tomorrow

They say that the sun will shine always for tomorrow. And this sun is symbol of hope to stand up again in every struggle we are facing in our life. I’ m finding the serenity, I trying to let myself and mind to relax after the emotional hardship I have.

I ‘m so fragile and it hurt me a lot even small things because of my sensitivity and valuing things. I wanna see the sun, I wanna feel the ray that will strikes my skin and faces with warm touch. The sounds of blowing winds that play my hairs and softly feel by my skin.

I wanna ask the nature that how they survive after strong typhoon devastated them. I wanna find answer by observing the environment where am I.

I guess Fredrik clearly doesn’t need me on his life. Yeah how come you need useless woman cannot help you and additional burden to think for.

Let me first ask you a big apology that sorry many times because I fall in love with you and it’s clearly not enough. Not enough to help you and I seen I can also cause additional more pain for you.

I feel 10x times or more than that seeing you hurting, I don’t feel pity on you but I feel the same way you feel the pain. And I said as before if I can able to carry all of them I wish let me be the one who suffer from it. Just for you to save on this struggle, but it’s impossible because a useless me is just a word but not able or capable to work things out to less your struggle through action. Forgive me being limitless to do something for you. And I know you choose to walk away from me so the burden you have will not be heavier.

I’m so sorry, very sorry I cannot be the sun in your life that inspires you to wake up every morning, useful in other words. I never thought I’ am myself is like that because I was so blind to see myself by loving you and show my affection as long as I can.

But I do mean so much loving you, I cry often since you break me up, I’m crawling and suffer too because I lost you and I can’t prove you how much I really mean to love you. I never felt this way after all, I value you and see your worth I cherish all we had.

But I know hoping that there’s still tomorrow for us is impossible. I left my heart and choose to stay to love you. You’re hurting and feeling so down, but don’t also think you’re the only one who struggle in pain.

Me either, I losing my strength, I try so hard and eaten by the darkest hour of my life being broken. The sad part is your not the only one who lost yourself but also me.

“I’m a white wolf howling for a full moon” remember when I said this.

And I keep fighting myself with this learning to be without you but I can’t and I don’t want it.

I always praying, praying to the deepest part of my heart saying and connecting to god that even this way let my prayer granted for you to be safe and save you for tears, sadness and hardship.

Even If I need to exchange my happiness and turn this happiness to be with you I will sacrifice it just for you to let you know that I don’t want you in pain. Even I don’t want it to be in this case I will.

I love you s much and I know myself I have more than love for you for real. You have my heart, love, mind, soul and my body that is willing to give you and offer you because I do really love you.

I miss you so much even if I don’t have way to tell you at all for choosing to cut me off from your life. And I hope this tomorrow with hope and sun shine your dark moment to start a new happy life even if I’m not belong at all.

“Mahal na mahal kita dito sa puso ko” –Rio