Imaginary 4th Monthsary :'(

Special Day...

Today it should be the 4th Month being with the person I love. But suddenly it’s just only imagination at all for me. Because there no us that running at all. It’s hurt when lot of things you value and remind is already gone. It’s all gone. I remember every time that the 30th of every month I always thinking something I can able to do in simple special way. Long distance relationship is hard and I want make things special every time I have the chances to count the sweet memories we have.

I really miss him and wishing I can able to see his face even seconds and hear him just saying Hi. Just only that it will be enough, I’m longing on his sweet way of talking with me that make my smile and shine like everlasting sun in my own world. But I was just here crying day by day and thinking lots of thing about him.

But I don’t want to disturb him at all or make him remind how I’m like a nightmare for his struggling in many things. So all I can do is to keep the distance for where exactly am I. No more greetings, no more letters to send for him, no reason for him to stay and no us at all. Why I wasn’t able to accept that? Or waking up myself that everything is over?

Because no matter what they think that my heart is stupid and fooling myself to assume I know that I love him with all my heart and it keeps going. Always love him no matter I cried many times or hurting inside for what we are right now.

It’s not easy to forget all we had, it’s not easy to move on, it’s not easy for me just to change and replace him. I put him inside in my heart, and love him with my best. But it’s really not enough and all I need to learn is to accept and be on my own, alone without him.

I don’t know if it’s wrong to love him much, or wrong for not accepting it’s over. I can’t help it to cry over and over and over again.

I’m really broken inside and out, I’m losing my soul to find way out this.

Because I need him, I want him to stay and ill do the same way. All I know myself I love him with all my heart and I want to keep go through further more. But it’s hard for me to understand why this is happening? Why he left me easily?

I’m really hurting inside I was really in pain and feel I was in a cold of sorrow. I don’t want to cry but I always do.

“Now no matter where you are, I know I don’t deserve and enough to be with you, but my prayer for you is always for the best. Your happiness and hoping you will overcome everything you are trying to deal in life”.

And I know you might be forgotten me easily or trying to forget me. I will never ever forget you with all my heart and in my whole life.

Even you break my heart I will never want to forget all bitter sweet memories we had. I will always love you in special way. Thank you for the remarkable 30th date I often treasure. This might be imaginary but for me you are living here in my heart.