Music and Art is the Only Home for me at the Moment

I feel that my heart is homeless I don’t have any shelter that protect and love me for a while. Love is like a home when you fall for someone special. I find it safe, comfortable, happy and inspire. The moment I’m with Fred, the man I fall for.

Everything is unexplainable by word or indescribable, but it felt so right. It’s like I’m contented and not asking much.

But you already know my story, things turn broken. My heart is now alone and sad. We break up. I miss the home of my heart when were together. Thinking about him when I wake up and praying for him before I sleep. Always think for good wishes for him. That he’s fine, too far from accident and always healthy. Having the peace of mind and things goes well for him. His safe is important for me follow by my own wish for myself.

I love him and I miss him so much.

But I should not be this way thinking him much but can’t stop. He’s living inside of me and it’s not very easy if you’re not yet being in love deeply with the person or special someone you love. (The only person who can understand me is the person who been with the same place and being I did.) Now… He’s not with me at all and my home of heart is gone.

The only place I find to be is to embrace the offer of Music and Art.

Music and Art is the only home for me at the moment.

My hearts cry and it’s always wanted to listen to the harmony of pain and broken song. It makes me cry but it also make me sleep when I got tired and my tears run dry.

I cry for almost 5 hours, when I see his pictures around, looking at his dedication card I have, when I was carried and relate for music that let my soul feel the pain.

I cried before I sleep because I’m praying that he’s in better place and feeling ok. I cried because I miss him and longing and wanting to see him again but it’s impossible. Everything is in the end zone. I’m the only one just think it’s not over because I wasn’t yet accept the reality. I’m just holding on even if I’m not that strong for a while with music and Art. I try to make myself to be back again the open arms of photography that never ever left me in my whole life.

Someday I know everything will be ok and hoping that the next time I tried the 5th time around, to try please don’t make me feel the same way. But at the moment I’m not ready yet because my love is too strong and dedicated for the last man I love. He’s a home, he’s a shelter, and he’s my protector the moment we’ve been together for me. He’s the one I love and he’s the one who choose to walk away from me.

(I’m tired to say but here I’am cry and cry again…)