There are so much to Reminisce

Despite of being broken hearted memories still remain and never be erased. I remember those letters I made I wonder if he still kept that or maybe burn on fire so it won’t remind him of me. I really do miss him and I know we don’t have chances at all to see and connected at all. Although I cry often every single day, day by day when I think that were not meant to be together. Everything I did for him is not a waste for me and it’s also a reminders of sweet moment we have even if were miles away to each other. I have many reason to smile, laugh and giggle every time I’m connected to him and talking to him. Those childish and crazy faces we did, crazy stories and jokes. I miss all of it specially him.

The message every day, the greetings we exchange before we sleep and waking up in the morning. And the sweet I love you and sweet kisses came from our hearts which I miss the most. But he already chooses to walk away from me because of what happen to his Life.

And there’s nothing I can do, just to accept it and end it up. I need to understand his side but in my heart I really don’t want to accept him to leave me. But he doesn’t find any reason to keep our relationship but to cut what make us connected. I can’t control myself to cry every time I think our break up moment.

I can still picture the moment crying both together and the moment we trying to say goodbye to each other. I don’t know how many times I can tell to him I love him very very much with all my heart. But no matter I try my best it’s nothing and enough.

I strongly pray that no matter where he is, he will be always in better place and step by step trying to stand up and over come little by little those problem he had. I never lose faith to send my prayers to God that I will try my best to deal all the pain I have just make it sure that Fred is getting good and better and better.

I feel how he really do care about me when were together, his future imagination beyond happiness being with me. And seeing and hearing those sweet words is enough for me because all I know he is a joy and the man I love.

He deserves to be happy too and deserve to find the best in his life and if I’m not included for that it’s enough for me to have him the moment I was in the dark and he light my life even a short while. But my Love and care for him is not measurable, because I know he is valuable and I will always love him continuously even if he already gone.

I miss our skype moment; he’s talkative mood sometimes and being so fruitful man. And I never forgot that, his crazy look smile that make me smile. Those funny faces we did and stolen photo I often did when we’re talking. It’s not easy to forget simple moment but strikes in your heart because you are with the special person in your life. I want to hug him and kiss him for real. Wait for the moment that we will meet. Feel his arms around me. Show my love and care more in actual situation. But suddenly it will not happen at all. I don’t know if the LOVE for him died. I’m not yet find the answer clearly because I still waiting for his last letter he made as I remember the last time we’ve talk.

I don’t expect him to make letter but the moment he told me that I’m still waiting to receive and find the answer on his letter.

Because all I know at the moment is I really really miss him, and all I can do is just to look back those memories we had. The beggining and the middle of those memories make me easily smile and feel delighted but the last part makes me cry more and more. It’s like a love story with unhappy ending. But the thought of love and emotion is truly genuine and precious.

I still have the 3 video message he sent to me and I watch it many times and staring on his face and smiling about his message.

Reading the dedication card he sent to me last Valentine’s Day over and over again. Looking at his pictures and reminding me that sweet love we have. There is so much to reminisce and he really mark my heart those unforgettable LOVE. And I won’t deny that I Love him so much inside my heart.