Middle of the Night

It's middle of the night around 3am in the morning, my eyes was naturally open and I wasn’t feel I need to get back and sleep. No wonder why there are still lots of things in my mind running and maybe I was just still thinking those things happen past few days. It’s not easy to forget good memories. My eyes tired of crying but it happens naturally. Maybe I miss those days but I’m trying, trying so hard to moving on. The hardest thing to do, but I need too as well. The tears flow all over my cheeks and I feel the silence around me. I’m asking myself why this happening to me at the 4th time around. 2 Years fall in love and waiting for almost 7years at 1st, then I try to open up my door at 2nd but I lose it when my best friend involved in issue with this guy I fall at second time around, the 3rd time I let myself to try again but this guy play at me and found out he is still in love with his ex and having fun flirting with many gals. Now the fourth time around gives me the hardest feeling because it’s almost perfect but it doesn’t work out because of the situation. I try and try to keep going letting myself busy to forget the times but then here it goes. Every moment that silence visiting me what’s happening recently sink in.

Did he miss me? Did he ever try to think of me too? Or he already forgot me so easily. And I don’t know exactly the answer since we already lose connection and he avoiding me. And I will be burden if I try to let know how does and what’s happening on him just to ask if he is ok. I don’t want to give him another reason to visit like a nightmare. The moment he unfriend me is already enough to understand that I ‘am not worth to stay at all on his life.

My heart crumpled and smashing, when I refreshingly feel back in that scenario. I’m consecutively crying for 8 days and im so trying hard to cope up with this.

Love can give you happiness; on the other hand can cause you as well of pain. Why me? I wasn’t never ever hurt anyone and play like game and I promise that to myself that I will genuinely show what exactly how I felt in someone I love. But it doesn’t still enough? What to do? What’s wrong for being a loving type of person? Why this situation comes on me? I’m so tired… My heart breaks into a pieces coz I LOVE him so much and I really really do.

But I should need to keep in my mind that I’am not enough just the way it is because no matter how true, big my love it’s useless.

Unfortunate, worthless and yes maybe I’m burden or a curse. It’s funny but maybe it’s true. I’m tired my heart losing the LOVE. My Love tank is getting empty I’am so tired… My fairytale is just only a fiction but never ever deserve to make it real. I’m so so tired…

I’m hoping that I can able to fast-forward or even rewind and stay only for what is the happy moment I want to stay there but not in this, suffer and alone. I’am so tired of heart breaks but I don’t feel tired of loving someone who is in my heart as long as he feel the same way for me. (Crying)