Forgiveness to the 2nd person who broke my HEART

This is about the 2nd person that i was fall in love. The guy that I thought, he is Lorenz, that’s what I call him. He is nice person and professional, he is Engineer related in Environment and also doing part time teaching mathematics. I really feel how he loves his own country and town. The nice and romantic place of Trieste in Italy. Where he lives and put his heart and soul. Patriot type. He also likes Art, Music and History. We have lots of common but we do also have different interpretation in many things. Well I will no longer describe him, one by one of his personality. All I know is having special connection to him that very moment we meet through online. And enjoy every thing we share and the communication is always consistent and there. Even though there are differences in time.

Our communication running almost 5 months I spent all mostly my time and attention on him and focus. Never entertain anyone just only him. Were a good friends and the relationship we have is special and feels like very different. I feel happy and glad often talking to him and seeing his face when we are skyping together. Nice conversation and sharing music.

He started to get cold at me the moment that he has this interest to my Best friend. I didn’t know the he started to communicate with my best friend. My very gorgeous, sexy, pretty and lovely best friend. I admit that everybody likes her and be attracted to her. And I wasn’t getting wrong when Lorenz and my best friend having a private chat that I will never ever for sure want to hear or know.

And it really happen in real world that you lost the chances, lost the special feelings you actually giving to the special person you’ve known. I lost even my best friend for flirting the guy that I thought that only interested only for me which is not.

I finally found out everything and seen the conversation they have. And of course even you won’t like it or being in my situation. I got hurt and feel like they step into my ego, they crushed me; I was so disappointed, I cry every night and feel the pain inside. I feel like I was so stupid being in that situation that your best friend tries to play the special person for me that even her, she knows that he is special to me. (Lorenz). But it’s their choice and they did it. I was just wondering if they feel how I feel in that very moment which is the hardest to accept at all. You’re best friend and your man?

I stop communicating with Lorenz at all since I told him that I knew it already, I avoid talking with him and I was trying to moving on. I never talk too as well with my best friend for almost 4 months and finding my self alone.

Just to make the story short, that’s what really happen, sorry I wont share the exact details they been talk and their conversation. All I know is, that is so inappropriate to inconsiderate me and I really really sure that no one’s going to like to be in my situation.

As times running I feels like I want to let this issue to be close and forgotten. Time to forgive and I learned, the fact that we hurt for a reason. And the matter is we need to forgive those people who made mistake with us. Why? Its hurt I know, you have a lot of pain to deal with, the obstacle of crushing your self and feels like your drowning. But the heart of forgiving is always have time. And this is time to forgive them both.

Lorenz already asks apologize on me and requesting to forgive as well my best friend. Because I was so mad still on him I ignore him and always talk with him with inappropriate answer. It’s like I always let reminding him the pain, the cause, the hurt I felt and the nightmare he left me.

It was boring afternoon nothing to do, it just happen that Lorenz knocks on my mind and curiosity play. (Even me didn’t know why it happen) It doesn’t mean I miss him or still love him. There’s nothing special to feel for him, everything is like faded but I do care to him as a friend and he is just a memory for me. Because someone replaced Lorenz and it’s my Sensei but sadly there both not meant for me.

Going back to the main character, I try to visit Lorenz profile and found out that he is already had girlfriend. I was smiling, I never felt any jealous at all, feels like I was so very happy for him to find his soul mate and partner. Seeing him in a sweet photo with this girl with a caption “My LOVE” makes me feel glad for him. I don’t know, I was really full of smile and teary eyes for him to find a real one. I was so very happy for him and praying that it will last. I really mean it that I was so happy to see him with special someone.

It’s time to close the book of the story we have and also the issue involved with my best friend. Lorenz is already happy at all so why should not give the forgiveness to my best friend. Making things clear and letting go all the hatred, angriness and pain of the past in this matter. I make way to communicate again to my best friend; I meet her, explain things and forgive her. Forgive her with all my heart and also half of it is to be thankful as well. Thanks for the lesson, the pain and making me a better person. Making me feel to understand that life is not just only about being happy, fun and also about laughter. We need also to cry, to get hurt and take the hard challenges because it make us strong even though not all the situations are easy to deal. As always it takes process, acceptance and time. But I don’t feel regret to love Lorenz even if he is just like a Ghost. A Ghost that I was falls in love for. Ghosts that make me feel special that very moment.

We never have the chances we meet in real but the chances of being with him in sweet and special moments is enough for me. My heart is smiling and feels happy for Lorenz seeing him in happy and in love. And I feel better now forgiving my best friend to start over, build and continue the journey we have.

Forgiving or forgive those people who did bad, mistake or leave you a marks of pain. The realization of letting your self to forgive them is a special gift on LIFE. As long as we living in this world once we forgive them, we don’t have any doubt to smile again and pretend to laugh because allowing them to accept no matter what they did is greatest lesson not only for me, for Lorenz, for my best friend but also for being a human with HEART. Thank you Lorenz for being a good character in my LIFE evens a short time. I will pray always for your happiness.