You are my Sensei

As time goes by, day by day is started to be different and grow more and more. I wasn’t able to notice that I’ am there started to fall closer and closer. He is nice to me, treating me well and sweet. I feel the respect he has from me and I do the same way for him. The feeling is strange but it feels right. (Is this a process of development for me?) It takes 30 days for us for me to find out that the feeling is not ordinary for me. It feels like I have something feel that he is special to me and I feel glad mostly when we talked. I call him my sensei not because literally as an instructor because it’s more than that. He is my sensei coz he teaches me how to brave again, to start to love him and appreciate how he feels from me. And this feeling is getting stronger day by day. Every time he says that he’s going to wait for me until I get close to him makes me feel that I need to get there from him with assurance and strong feelings for him. I know my heart well I always keep my self in genuine feelings and I’ve never ever lied or play feelings and emotions. I’ve fallen for him I feel it. I’m about to get there. Every time he told me he likes me, need me in his life and want me. My heart saying that I need you too, I want it too, im liking you, I want to cater to you and be my man; I want to say im about to love you. (Am I allowed to do that? Did I have assurance that you will never hurt me coz I’ve been in pain before and im willing to accept you as my man a special one for me the only one again the only one). Coz I want you to know that I don’t want to be your 2nd mistake and I want you to know that once my heart loving you I will show you my unconditional love that is really overwhelmed my sensei.

Giving back your love that deserve for and im willing to fulfill your needs, giving you all of me, my heart, body and soul just only for you. Just be sure and promise me you really are the right one who braves enough to love me too.

I sent him a letter at the first place. A letter made by my heart and minds that saying you are special to me and you are my happiness at the moment. Funny coz we both thinking about monthsary a month or been in 30days of survival knowing each other. And I made letter for you and did a crazy thing like making a shirt with your name printed. To show and express you are special now for me. I was in the a bad situation that moment having a hard time taking care of my Lola in hospital but we still find way to communicate even though I have lack of sleep, tired everyday and busy for the priorities of taking care of my grandma that moment. But im happy at the 24th day we have still chances and got even talk on skype. And for me I appreciate that much with all my heart. I got home at the morning and you’re just about to sleep at the moment. But you got drop by in some groceries to buy something and you make way to talk to me. You make my heart beat again. And I know you’re so tired that time but you keep smiling at me and I answer you my giggles and having a good conversation. That moment im thankful coz you enlighten what im facing through with my family problems. (My heart say I love you and wishing you love me too)

And I keep calling my sensei in which I can be my hubby im my other own term or my Love. Thank you my sensie. Wish I can hug and kiss you.

Immaturity and Jealousy (The first pain and 2nd)

Because of too much enjoying to be with my sensei I never think the there’s a chances of arguments we might misunderstand for. The first is with this girl name Allena Carane (Common I don’t easily forgot those remarkable character)

I feel happy being with you it feels like I don’t need someone to talk for just only you. Till I saw a tagged message from his facebook timeline that someone’s expressing her LOVE to my sensei. “I LOVE YOU BRYAN KAUTSMAN” at first I feel that my heart is crumpled and I feel hurt with that words. (I was really feel emotional) I feel jealous because I was just wondering that im the one should I tell to him, but the consideration turns to that girl and I was starting to argue with my sensei. I do apologize consider the others feeling in which id rather consider you first. I was just feel that I don’t have right to keep going to love you if someone already did that to you. And if this woman really loves you I should give way for her and let you both together. I just want her to be happy because I know and understand her feelings for you.

But I’ve got wrong about it. (Thank you for trying to explain and let me know about it) I should rather ask and listen first on your part and ask you if you really do love her too. And my sensei explain to me that this girl is the only one should post that thing in which is not that mean to him. (Right I’ve got insensitive on his part) And I should consider him first before others because the relationship we have it’s about us not the other people. I don’t know if my jealousy is also good for him to know that I already have feelings on him. Because I’ am now affected for what’s happening instead of no to react for or ignore things like that, that show im not affected. I appreciate all the action he did talking with that girl and explaining things that he likes someone and that is me. (And I admit I feel glad and feel he loved me). Till he shows some few conversations that make me feel comfortable and calm. I appreciate those actions he did and it’s also a reason to gain my feeling to him and glad we over come it. My sensei is a Goodman and he act depends on how he wants thing to be happen on what it is right. And I appreciate that and I do apologize for inconsiderate you. But the good thing is clearly done.

After few days here we go again, of course trials is always there to measure you strength and how you both strong together. It feels like my heart strike with a sharp knife. I saw a photo of him act like kissing someone. Who? (Oh yeah im not old enough to forgot it) With Ms. Clement Catarbas. I don’t need to ask anything about what they have or interrogate at all. At this time all I can see is wrong, totally wrong. The only question that I ask him is just “How does he feel if I do the same way kissing a photo of handsome guy as my chat mate” now tell me how does it feel? It’s not bad to have chat friends but it’s also important to be careful in every action and sensitive too. (I admit every time I saw it I makes my heart feel the pain) Why? How come that this girl can able to show in public your photo for you without any hesitation that might someone know you in social media and accidentally see your photo? (But looks that you don’t care and admit you enjoy it) Yeah I cried about it like im a kid who was stolen a balloon or candy. But I assure that I will not do that to him coz he know me much. Apology accepted the moment that my sensei admit its wrong and he understand the feelings if I did that. He was admitting he was so careless and playful in which he should not be. But all I can do is to pay for it by crying and pray for the things happen. To be honest I want too do the same way to be proud for him and tell the world that im in loved with my sensei. Posting his photo and me but the one I considerate the most is to protect him and limit my self publish him coz of social media and that’s the reason why didn’t do the same thing without thinking my action. Coz I care with him and I can able to sacrifice for him. But if the chances asking I would be brave enough and be proud for my sensei without any hesitation. But being careful is important too. Again we overcome this matter and fix things in good way. I remember his promise being a good boy at all and being careful. After the pain it was change easily with joy and smile in my heart. He causes me hurt and pain but then he easily fades this thing away. Because of my love for him he is my happiness that’s why it can easily accepted and forgive him. Now I know there is more expected things to come that is more exaggerated for sure and obstacle that we will need to face. But no matter what happen with this issue we both have the heart for each and everyone that makes us overcome. Mr. Khulet and Ms. Sungit did it and im so thankful with that.

Physical, Personality and Attitudes Attraction.

I know I never often saying to him how he is handsome in my eyes and he is (I’m shy to tell sometimes and if I do tell him I might be blush) at first its not attractive for me how he looks like. Because the interest is not there and I’m so feel bad that time coz of my hurt and pain, and that’s how I felt the moment we met. But every time that day by day goes by and so on, the appreciation of his look makes me feel he’s a prince for me, he’s my adorable and handsome man that I’ve dreaming of. The gestures of his faces, the bad habit he always did (thumbnail biting) is cute for me, specially his eyelashes, cheeky cheeks and nose. It makes me smile and giggle without any reason. Every time looking at his lips wishes I can kiss him (Kiss him with feelings and passionately feel it) (OMG is this me?) The attraction is started to grow more and more on my part, coz I know he already attracted on me oh yes common you are my sensei. I know you want to bite my shoulders and tickle my neck. And he wants to paint my nails in toe. The personality we have plays in good way sometimes he bring me to the world of fun and jokes and forgot serious things and smile for a while. We act like kids, teasing both each other and I knew he will not win using my luggage strategies. But yeah I get weak and attract on his bed room voice that makes me melt and shy sometimes. Come from his toolbox strategies. (I hate him for having 1 strong strategy that he can use for me) I hate it but the truth I love it. True! He act more than a young age on his literal age, and me act so old which is too far from my age. But I find it out that no matter what it is we can still connect to each other we can bring each and everyone in every world we want too. And I enjoy that moment always to my sensei it feels like I want to be with him more and more and more. I want to see him beside me when were about to sleep, seeing him next to me when I wake up, hahaha hear how he snore, give him a massage to feel him relax with my touch, cook him and let him taste my specialty, tickle him just only him please do not tickle me though lol, hug and kiss him and fulfill his dream and offer my heart and preserve and reserve body for him. I might sound crazy or I might be the one on his spell but I will rather consider that as a spell of love that I want to believe that we are destined to meet not only because it happen but because we have purpose both in our life. And I admit he is the only handsome guy right now in my eyes and settle already as my man in my heart and getting prepare my self for our journey. He brings me so much joy that anything can’t able to compare of. The time he invests and time I give to him I worth in a while to appreciate and enjoy for. What else more in reality? (I wish I can meet him in real and let him feel how this genuine heart started to fall and loving him day by day) I know it’s hard to believe by this word but for me there’s no nothing to lie for coz I know what’s truly in my heart. I’m already attracted first on is personality as a strong man, now to his look as my man and his attitudes and adore those special moments we have. I truly bless to meet you for making me feel so special and you are really mean so much to me. You are already part of my prayers and dream that I often wishing for and my prayers will always lead you. (And I will have no doubt to tell you that here in my heart its beating for you, saying I love you and asking are you ready to accept my love and be with me too?)