FIRST LOVE

I thought that I will never ever fall in LOVE at the first time. I thought that love stories is only for movies, novel or only for straight people. Love life is not easy in gay’s life it really takes you a lot of challenges and strong faith that it really exist. Of course it’s really hard to find a real one, a nice person and only one. Straight people experience loneliness in life and struggle to find their real partner or having special someone. What else more in Gay people?

There’s a lot of challenges in this kind of relationship, it really takes and need you a lot of patience, acceptance and open mind to understand that we Gay people is also in need, a love, care and affection. I guess for me yes love has no gender in terms of a loving heart. I know not all agree for this kind of relationship some might hate or think and seeing it’s immoral. But then we are also a human having a heart to love like we did to God, to our family and friends.

I’m also a normal person who is seeking for attention, care and love. And I don’t deny that, I thought having a prince in life is only a fairytale. But then it comes in the short chapter in my life.

I met a genuine, decent and nice person and his name is Dane Phillips (Dino). He’s an Irish-British guy working as an English Professor. He’s really a sensible and having wonderful personalities that I really love the most. Let’s just say he’s almost perfect not as what we dream of, I mean a dream guy. But then it is true that Ideal or Dream guy is only a dream. Once you met a special person its nothing to compare to your Ideal man he is more than that.

It’s like he makes me feel so special from time to time and makes me feel and see the world is full of Inspiration. You know the feeling of being in loved. And it’s really a nice feeling. We have lot of things to talk about life, jokes, trivia, history, music, geography, politics, economics, art and even simple things makes special.

He’s the first guy who dated me, the first guy who hold my hand and really proud of to show people that he doesn’t really care no matter what other judge him, even judge me or us. It really makes me feel I’m a special person and it’s a cloud 9 feeling. We actually get to know each other more than a year thru chatting and calling each other thru mobile. He is really amazing for being a nice person to me, it feels like no one can be like him, very unique and one of a kind.

I really feel his dedication and passion of teaching and educating people. He is a truly decent man and worth to proud for. I told you he is really a perfect man for me. I adore him being a smart person and polite, he really treats me well with respect and care. It’s too many good words to describe for. How can you able to ignore or will not able to fall in love this kind of person?

I really appreciate everything he made for me, even from a small thing. He is so fantastic. I was so thankful the moment having him beside me and showing value on my small family. The time he’s started to share his time to get closer to my family, from my grandma, auntie, sister, cousin and friends. I’ am so thankful for all the effort he made and everything.

But our 2 years relationship not work out after all, I find out that he’s not brave enough to have a long commitment which I do. I’m willing to have a long term and I was dreaming to grow old with him and dreaming the role of being his wife. Sounds funny right? I’ve been loyal loving him. It’s like my heart only beat for him, my soul is only for him and I want to share what I have only with him.

He really gives me motivation and he is fruitful type of person. But that’s life all those sweet memories we have is now only a memories from the past. The thing that I only should thank for is I was fall in love and be loved at the same time. Thanks god that I know the feeling of loving. Loving a person without any hesitation and loving him whole and accepting his imperfection.

Truly I love him so much; it doesn’t make sense to continue loving him if he wants to be free. And he wants to choose his career and living alone.

But that time I have him is really a fairytale and living in a colorful world. My first ever boyfriend and first ever LOVE. And its really take me a years to move on after all.

My heart keeps beating, hoping and waiting more with another 5 years. Even though I try to entertain and chat other guy’s it feels like he is nothing to compare. It’s not easy to move on lets say that, when you loving too much and forgot to love for your self it really takes you time to heal and waking up in reality. That you need to stand up and fix your self again, making good things to forgot the pain and accept what really the reality is. It’s like loving him in 7 years and assume that one day he might come back and realize that he already gain and have confident or brave enough to be with me again Crazy right? But then waiting for nothing is tiring, keeping your self assumes without assurance make you feel too stupid. He gives me happiness but then he also gives me pain, broken heart and a sad ending of our love story. But still because I love him with all my heart I’m not Mad at him, instead I’ve learned a lot, I’m not lucky that my first love will last that I wish for but that’s life.

I’m just wishing that no matter where he is I hope that he will also find his True Love I know it’s not me but the memories we have is a treasure for me. And I’m so thankful for him for everything.

Because the time comes that I need my self free and open another door for the second time around for someone who wants to knock and wants to get in.

I should not live in pain, sorrow and hatred for what our relationship ended. I should be thankful that he comes and having a good role in story of my life. Thank you so much Dino for all but its time for me to say goodbye and time for me to have a new life.